BLOG POST: Increase Your Energy with Better Connection in Relationships
Did you ever need to communicate your needs... but it felt draining? Maybe you felt anxious or intimidated because you didn't know how to express yourself.
Here are some thoughts on communicating your needs.
Let's start with three dilemmas where each of these three women needed to have a conversation with someone. These are situations I had with clients. What would you have done in my place?
1. Miriam was feeling defensive about a conversation her boss wanted to have with her. This defensiveness was draining her energy.
2. Sharon was feeling drained and depleted at work. She was in an office room that was more like a passageway with several entrances. The room was designed for an open, relaxed work environment. Sharon, on the other hand, needed to be focused and was very sensitive to noise and other people’s conversations. Every interruption pulled her away from her work and by the end of the day she was exhausted. She voiced her concern but her boss insisted she stay in that office space.
3. Lisa's husband volunteered on his only day off, bringing home a lot of food for distribution. The boxes were taking over the house and his one free morning was spent outside of the home. This went on for months, and the months turned into years. Five years, in fact. Lisa was always stressed out every morning, having to rearrange the boxes because she worked from home.
Wow. These were certainly challenging situations for my clients!
You can apply the energy of YESOD - CONNECTION to each of these cases.
Let's see what happened:
Miriam didn't know what the boss wanted to tell her and she was afraid of the unknown. Was she going to be fired? Was he going to yell at her? In our session I took her through a mind-body exercise where she RECONNECTED to a deep inner part of herself. She left the session with a new perspective feeling calm and ready to share with her boss from a place of connection. As an added bonus, she had newfound energy to use toward being productive in any area she wanted!
Back to Sharon: She couldn't complete her work at the office, so she would awaken at 3 am in the middle of the night, when her best ideas for work would come to her. One day she actually created a presentation in the middle of the night because she finally had some quiet. She realized she could not continue like this.
I helped her prepare a way to communicate with her boss that would have the greatest impact: We used the "commend, recommend commend" method. For example, “I really see the benefit in having an open office space where people can access each other throughout the day. In my case, it doesn’t work because it pulls me away from my concentration and then I can’t be as productive as I know I can be. It also disrupts my well-being because I don’t sleep well, knowing I have work left over from the day. I’d appreciate moving to the office down the hall so that I can be more productive and effective in my job.”
When she applied this technique, she was able to CONNECT to her boss, who was able to really hear her and was happy to allow her to switch offices. Her energy was now freed up to be more productive!
Now back to Lisa. Having all of these boxes in the house felt It was like having annoying house guests who had overstayed their welcome. She felt that her space was invaded. And what made matters worse was that couldn’t be as productive as she wanted because she felt agitated first thing in the morning.
As a result, her feelings of resentment caused stress in her relationship with her husband, who became emotionally distant. And lastly, because his day off was spent volunteering, they didn’t have any down time together to offset the stressful situation.
Sounds like a big challenge, right?
No problem. In the spirit of CONNECTION, I gave Lisa a mind-body-spirit preparation exercise and suggested she use "I feel" messages to communicate her needs. We practiced a bit and I gave her some examples.
At our next session, Lisa told me "a miracle happened." She spoke to her husband and what followed was that the people he worked for were suddenly very disrespectful and ungrateful for the work he had done. It dawned on him that his efforts for five years have gone unappreciated – and he quit!
Now Lisa has more space in her home and begin work every morning feeling more inner peace and well-being. Now feels more empowered by her successful communication with her husband. And because she feels more at peace in the mornings, she can be more productive in her work. Best of all, she gets to spend time with her husband because he’s decided to spend that former volunteer time with the family.
As you can see, the energy of YESOD - CONNECTION showed up powerfully for these women to transform their relationships.
What is one step you can take today towards better connection with someone in your life?